i was so freaked out realizing i was a lesbian instead of bi a year or so ago. which is really funny because i fucking love being a lesbian now. i am so happy existing as a weird dyke. in hindsight, i probably should’ve realized why bisexual didn’t ever really feel entirely right, but even though i knew lesbianism obviously Existed i thought there was no way i could be like. not. into guys. i didn’t even consider it until i really sat down and went… isn’t it kinda weird that i pretty much universally hated when boys hit on me and my relationships with them always felt dull. ig i had convinced myself that the discomfort was normal and was just social anxiety or shyness. that i mysteriously did not have when it was a girl. which could mean nothing,
i have core memories of telling my mom how uncomfortable it always was when i was around that “puberty is starting” age and all my guy friends who i hung out with to play pokemon mtg and minecraft with suddenly changed and we could no longer be friends. they’d never let it stay that way!!! i had like 4 different experiences with either long or short term guy friends turning it into some big huge confession and me having to gently let them down, which always turned into some BIGGER fucking thing that 100% of the time resulted in me no longer having them as a friend. and just trying to articulate how much that sucked. how much i did not want my guy friends to “like” me. Ever.
and she’d just look at me like i was losing my mind like. god it’s not a big deal [deadname]. they were just flirting with you. they’re boys. you’re a girl. it’s normal. and i’d be like does nobody on this bitch of an earth understand me right now. i know it’s normal but i hate it anyways!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALT